Awake

I'm not an empty shell, I'm finally awake. I feel like today doesn’t happen everyday, its just so clear to me….

I was going to do it. I had been given more than a month to make a decision, I still wondered why it had been so difficult. I have my own life to live, why should I base my existence on what people have to say. Not a day passed since he asked, that I didn’t think on it, inducing head pains in the process.

I will do it, I had repeated for almost a week, steeling myself against any criticism and backlash I expected. A week to the departure day, I called him and told him that everything was fine and no problems were on my side, he said he couldn't wait. I just felt so giddy when I imagined all the things set out for the next week or two to come.
I told my parents I was traveling to Lagos, to get some important documents from my school which I needed for work and I would stay with some friends. How long? They had asked. A Week, I replied with such steadiness. I was proud of myself.

I didn’t even know what to pack, I was so excited. When the day finally arrived, Abdul called me that morning, waking me up. I love you he whispered. I really didn't think it'd come to this, I never expected it now. Still groggy, I didn’t even know if I loved him, but I knew I wanted to be with him, always. You don’t have to say anything, he continued, just know it, I will pick you up by 4pm. I told my parents the day before that my flight was by 5pm, so 4 was a good time to leave the house, alright I said my voice still soaked with sleep. Ok then babe, go back to sleep, he said giving a laugh, one which I had grown to like.

I surely couldn’t go back to sleep, but the next few hours where the slowest I ever had, i stayed in my room after seeing my parents and having breakfast. It was a Saturday and the day just dragged, suddenly the hour of 4 was upon me.

I got my carefully packed box, told my parents goodbye, my phone rang just as i stepped out the doors to the house, Olanna, im outside your house, I quickly walked to the gate, and straight to Abduls car. He was standing by the drivers’ side, when he saw me, he came over to meet me. We hadn’t seen each other for more than a month so when he was standing a breath away from me, he planted a kiss on my lips, just like the first day we had met. Unbelievable, that day, only this time I loved it.

Abdul had been an acquaintance of one of my best guy friends, they met only once, but they constantly exchanged emails, they were both techies, which is so not my thing, i am only interested in having the fanciest and prettiest gadgets.

My last two relationships hadn’t gone well and while I hadn't given up on guys, I had gotten tired. So my friend told me that Abdul was single, I had laughed,telling my friend not to bother playing matchmaker. He told me that he had given Abdul my number, I got angry for about 2secs and took my mind off it, what could come out of it? i thought, if I don’t like the guy's voice I wont even bother picking any future call.

I had liked his voice, and when we met, I couldn’t believe my unluckiness, Abdul is much taller than I am, dark and hairy, actually mostly on his face, he looked like a liberal, modern “mallam” without full beards and jeans. He had taken me for dinner then we went on to a club, who would have thought, we didn’t dance much, we had drinks, talked as much as we could, he saw some friends, I saw some people I knew and pretty much spent most of the time chatting and laughing. As we got ready to go, we were sitting really close, he only had to turn his head to plant one on my lips, it was so weird for me, such things never happened. I stared at him, for at least 5mins , he smiled and hugged me, told me not to worry. I had hated the kiss, his beards grazed my cheeks and my chin, I had never felt so uncomfortable with a guy, he confused me. I hated that he was way taller than I was, he smoked and he was a Muslim, even though he had said in relation to religion “everyone needs a hobby”

But right there outside my house, I knew i had come to enjoy Abdul so much, I was getting addicted to him even if this didn't come easy. He was so kind, intelligent and funny, I liked the smell of the cigarettes now and I made him trim his beards every now and then,he looked so handsome, it was heart breaking.

When we finally disentangled, my cheeks blazing, I knew Kasali, the gate man must have been watching us. After placing my box, in the boot of his car, we shared one more tender moment and drove off, I looked back at my house as it got smaller and then disappeared around the corner. I knew, suddenly, i knew i wouldn't be seeing it anymore.